Bo-o-o-ring

In a world ravage by war, starvation, AIDS and assorted other horrors, it is well to know that our information-gathering networks remain obsessed with whether or not Princess Diana was purposely bumped-off or if Britney Spears is actually and truly married to what's-his-name. So, take a moment now and just consider all the hideously boring human beings that we are expected to, nay virtually compelled to put at the forefront of our personal radar. Consider the following:

Massively boring

1. Britney Spears and every other pop-tart who would flaunt tits and belly in lieu of offering anything resembling talent.

2. Jackie Kennedy and virtually all aspects of the Kennedy brood, especially articles revolving around John-John and his "wasted potential".

3. Ill-defined, mildly physically attractive starlets who are hyped as "stars!", such as J-Lo, or Lindsay Lohan (whoever she is), and the hideous Paris Hilton. J-Lo does have a great ass. That I'll concede.

4. Utterly sexually uninspiring Pam Anderson. Trailer-trash triumphant.

5. The shenanigans of George W's lackluster daughters. Mom, however, is a class act.

6. The still-dead but wacky Princess Di. Save us from the conspiracy theories. She was a room-temperature IQ classy bimbo who made atrociously bad judgment calls with her genitals. And they say that men only think with the 'little head.'

7. The Royals in general, with the notable exception of "Herself" the Queen.

8. All show-biz marriages, period.

9. Katherine Hepburn as some sort of icon. The old crone spent decades screwing another woman's husband. Nuff sed?

10. The trials-and-tribulations of Michael Jackson. Either string the little pervert up, or leave him alone to thrive in his looniness. Just keep little boys away from him.

Moderately Boring

1. Cher. Tiresome and overstated, but she can do a watchable turn in a film sometimes when she isn't being a public asshole and showing the public a body that nobody wants to see particularly.

2. For Bette Midler see comments about Cher. Loud, brash, crass and vulgar, but she once was a decent singer, especially in her update of the Andrews Sisters chestnut 'Boogie-Woogie Bugle-Boy.'

3. Much of the cinematic oeuvre of Tom Hanks. Vastly overrated actor who has had some decent turns, but is not a genius on a part with Bogart, Tracy, Brando (in his good days) or Nicholson. The public embraces him because he is so non-threatening. Michael Keaton, who started around the same time, is a superior actor at all levels.

4. Even more the oeuvre of Meg Ryan, the consummate sorority bitch of the sort one lusted after at 21, with never a chance of getting anywhere newer her pants, I might add. She has not matured well or easily. Good as a fluffy bunny, but hardly to be regarded seriously, especially in her current (and disgusting) botoxed incarnation.

5. Demi Moore. Huh? Pu-lease. OK. 'Ghost' redeems her a teeny bit.

6. Goldie Hawn was adorable on 'Laugh In', but not so much since.

7. Her daughter, Kate, is even more adorable but probably less talented.

8. Anything at all that contains the name Michael Bolton.

9. The recovery sagas of show-biz dysfunctionals, whether its from drugs, booze, anorexia, stapled stomachs, gambling or sex. Why do we care about anything other than their skills as exemplified by their work? Nick Nolte is a hell of an actor. I don't care what he does in his personal life.

10. The (usually) left-wing political mutterings of entertainers. Who cares? Why somebody who makes far too much money doing a banal job should be able to speak authoritatively about anything strains credulity. Much as it strains credulity to hear people who make millions per annum embracing leftie causes. Power to the people indeed. This is in the context of filthy-rich John Lennon seeing himself as a working class hero.