Chuck and the Seahag

Camilla? You have to be joking. You forsook Diana for upscale trailer-trash? The mind boggles. It not only boggles, but it shuts down temporarily such is the overload prompted by the latest shenanigans by the heir-apparent of the rubbishy Royals. I agree, Diana might have been a libido-urgent pee-brain, but all the other accoutrements were just so fine. And her reported randiness -- especially for a homely sod like you (go figure) -- should have dispelled any carnal thoughts about the slatternly Camilla. I mean, really. By any standard, the woman is a dog. She must be utterly phenomenal in the carnality department to make you even think of actually going through some sort of nuptial ceremony with her. I mean, maybe a quickie-marriage in a Vegas chapel, followed by a dirty weekend, followed by a rapid-fire annulment, but to actually think that this should be a permanent arrangement. Ach und himmel, as your Saxe-Coburg forbears would have exclaimed.
Actually, I don't mind if Mr. Charles Windsor marries the aforementioned creature, for it provides yet another reason for my country, Canada, to chuck all this monarchist nonsense. Let's use this as an excuse to get out of a ridiculous situation. We are supposed to be a grown-up country. Let's begin by behaving like one, and the moment the Queen pops-off, declare the monarchy irrelevant to our particular realm. Of course, we could stay in the Commonwealth (though, since the UK joined the EU there doesn't seem to be much advantage in that) much as India does today, but just shuck the nonsensical royal connection. Royalty in itself is such an archaic waste, and such an anachronism that surely we have grown up enough to say, "see you, Mom and Dad, we're on our own now."
So, long live the Republic of Canada. I look forward to the day with much active anticipation.